Decisions Decisions So Many Decisions

I've started dress shopping! I'll write a post on the experience once it's finished...but it made me think of a post that I think would be a good conversation starter or at least a way for me to get my feelings down. This for me is a diary on wedding planning to look back on, and if anyone else finds it helpful that's great.

I've had a bit of decision making burnout over the last few months. We started off so well, booking the venue then the photographer in quick succession. Then booking the registrar and caterers. Then I kind of lost motivation. It isn't like I lost interest, but it just seemed a bit overwhelming and I was putting things off.

It was odd really as it's not like me, usually I just pick a point and start there, but I felt like there was so much to do that I didn't know where to start. I was quite clear on the timeline I have, and that the dress and/or music was next. However I just didn't have the mental energy to go ahead and start looking, as I knew that wouldn't be the end there would be a million large and little decisions to follow. And everyone is asking me. Like I suddenly know about flowers, dresses and napkins. It wasn't even like anyone could help as it was literally just making choices that I didn't want to do. I think it was combined with booking the Kilimanjaro trip and also having all that to think about, plus working full time and all the training for Kili...so how did I get over it?

1. I made a list of what roughly needed to be done in what order, then put it away for a couple of months. I'd gotten it all down on paper so it was out of my head, and I knew I didn't have to rush as we were in good shape wedding planning wise so I could take a few months break from the wedding and focus on Kilimanjaro and training. That also helped the funds to build back up too so when I came back to it we weren't so skint! Don't be afraid to take a break if you can.
2. Start with something important to you to get the creative juices flowing again. While dress shopping wasn't something I was really looking forward to, finding the dress was (I kind of just wanted some fairy godmother to magic it to me). I was actually very pleasantly surprised by the shopping experience last weekend, and it has really got me back into the wedding planning groove.
3. Organise. While not everyone will enjoy it as much as me (I am a bit of a Monica) a bit of organising never goes amiss when you're feeling overwhelmed. For example my wedding board on pinterest was becoming so big that it was hard to see the wood for the trees, so I split them into smaller boards like 'wedding shoes' 'flowers' etc and it is much easier to see clear themes coming up in my pins, making it easier to make those dreaded decisions!
4. One you have made a decision, don't second guess it. My ulterior motive for rearranging my pinterest boards was to get all the dress pins onto one board, so when I buy the dress I can delete that board. Yes delete it, all those carefully curated pins, so that I won't look back on it in 6 months and wonder if I picked the right one. 
5. Just book an appointment already, or send an enquiry. Do something. I made a dress shopping appointment to force me into looking at dresses, but it didn't mean I had to buy my dress at that shop it was just a first step into dress shopping to break the ice. It's not that I didn't want to go dress shopping, it just seemed like a big thing and a lot of things to decide (plus I am not typically found clothes shopping it is not something I love). So I booked an appointment far in advance, and this last month I started getting more excited about it.
6. I passed things on. I have said Tom can sort the car, and he has taken the lead on the honeymoon too. He then looks things up and consults me, rather than me wading through the hundreds of hotels etc.
7. Little by little. If I think about all the things I have to do this year at once it makes me dizzy. So I think about the next thing to do, which is order the dress. Then after that it will be music, and I am not thinking after that. Most of it will wait until we are back from Kili now.
8. Prioritise. I was thinking about a lot about things we were realistically not going to notice weren't there if they didn't happen. And when we actually only have a half planned wedding and a mountain to climb in 3 months then favours or chair decoration is really not something to be worrying about. If I can get the things that are important to us sorted, and the little things don't all happen, it'll be ok. 
9. Admit you don't know. Like I said above sometimes people (especially vendors I've found) might assume you know about whatever aspect of the wedding you are discussing. I have no idea about flowers other than I usually have tulips because they are cheap, and I make sure to tell this to florists so they won't confuse me with names and options that mean nothing to me. If you don't know then just ask, or get someone to help you decide.
10. Admit you don't care. Not that I don't care about my wedding, but as it stands right now (this may change) I am indifferent to a few things. Like the cake for example, I personally am not going to eat it...I feel it's something we wouldn't have if it wasn't one of those weddingy things. So if there is a cake then great, but I'm not going to give myself a million more things to think about for the cake. It'll be a basic cake if it exists at all!
11. Alternate wedding planning, don't think about it all the time. The last few months have been Kilimanjaro oriented, but now we are paying for it soon and then will just be training. So the summer can be a bit more wedding oriented mixed in with gym and running etc. Then September and October will be just Kilimanjaro. Then when we are back it will be wedding...I can't do both so gave up trying. Maybe book a day every couple of months with your partner to do wedding things, either formally or just for example we have said that on Sunday we will start looking for a band online and sending off enquiries. 
12. Elope. Haha joking...kind of. 

Hope you are all having fun if you are planning you're wedding too, if you've experienced this comment below with your tips!

Well you must do...

Now before I start this one, let’s just make it clear that I really value people’s opinions and help, after all this is the first time I've done this. Advice and opinions are always appreciated and I’d always rather people be honest with me if they think something is naff rather than just go along with whatever I say. 

However, our wedding doesn't have to be the same as your wedding, or any other wedding, in fact it really shouldn't be. There are no rules. We do not have to do anything other than sign the register with the registrar, the rest is optional. Pressuring someone to have something at their wedding that they do not want is not cool. My word, people can get funny about weddings, even when it is not their own wedding. 

I know a wedding is a traditional thing, but it doesn't mean we can't put our own stamp on it, we don't have to do something just because it's traditional. Really if we had to do everything the traditional way we wouldn't have been living together for the last 6 years, our parents wouldn't be divorced and attending with their new partners, Dad would be paying for the whole thing, we'd probably be considerably younger and my unmarried sister and her daughter wouldn't be in the bridal party. Traditions move on guys, keep up.

Tom and I aren't religious, so we will not be having a church wedding as it seemed hypocritical to get married in a church just because it looks pretty when neither of us go to church regularly (or at all) and people seem to accept this quite willingly but then are horrified when I say we might not have headdresses for the bridesmaids!

My advice on this is to just do what you want to do, I'm hoping it will get easier once we've actually bought/booked things as at the moment we have just booked the venue so all this is theoretical...and people seem to think they can persuade us out of it but once it's booked and paid for they can't really do anything about it. I am taking practical advice on board from lots of people (like on flowers and the timing of the day as I have have no idea) but the stylistic and trivial things like suits, dresses, hair and favours are really down to mine and Toms taste, not up to anyone else to dictate. Also as we are planning on mostly paying for the wedding ourselves (with help from family but not them paying for it all) I think if it's our wedding and we are paying for the objectionable item then really it's nobody else's business.

Some things we are considering or thinking of not having that are a break from tradition and have caused a bit of a stir:

• Not having loads of posed photos – I’d rather the photographer take more pictures while we are mingling, chatting etc. I hate having my picture taken (I literally cannot smile on command without looking like this) and Tom would rather be having fun, so we will have a some done after the ceremony of us together and with our families and we will get my ones with my bridesmaids etc and Tom with his best men etc out of the way before the ceremony…but no we won’t be having a 1-2 hour long photo shoot… 
• Tom not hiring a morning suit. Oh wow people are really attached to these morning suits, and when I asked Tom what he thought he might wear his first response was 'well I suppose I'll just hire a morning suit?'. After I said he could wear whatever he wanted to (if he wanted to have a morning suit that's great I just wanted him to choose what he wore), he actually has had some really great ideas of his own what he would like to wear and what his best men and ushers could wear. Although when we say to people we are thinking of buying suits or hiring something different to morning suits (maybe a tuxedo? Maybe a designer suit? No idea yet) they say 'still go and look at the morning suits though' or 'well that's...different'. If I didn't like a certain wedding dress nobody would dare tell me I had to wear it, why should it be different for Tom?
• I might wear my hair down…although I know an updo is probably more practical or 'bridal'. I have really long hair that I always have up, and I’d like to get it done nicely and wear it down (depending on the dress of course, I might eat my words if it looks stupid with the dress).
• Bridesmaids – I'm having them, but I'm not going to loads of effort getting them designer dresses and asking them to spend a fortune on their outfits. I'm not worried about headdresses or hats, or complicated matching hairstyles or whatever for them.
• Yes I am having a hairdresser, but no I am not paying for everyone to get their hair done and I am not going to demand that all my bridesmaids get their hair done. I’ll get the hairdresser up to do my hair on the morning, and anyone else can book in to get theirs done if they want to but they will have to pay for it themselves. My bridesmaids are very capable of doing their own or each other’s hair if they don’t want it done professionally.
• I will not have a makeup artist. I've been putting makeup on my own face for years and am quite capable of doing it again.
• Music – A bit of a sticky one for us, as we are yet to decide on ANY songs for ANY of the wedding (We both have very broad music taste which is mostly wildly inappropriate for a wedding ceremony!). We can’t have any religious connotations either as it’s a civil service. This means no hymns. People are more disappointed by this than I thought they would be!
• Favours – Oh if I have another conversation about favours. People all say ‘Well you don’t need to go over the top...’ or ‘They really aren't that important…’ but if you say you might not have them then you’re a cheapskate or not making the effort!
• Money – This is also a bit of a tricky one as lots of people have lots of ideas, but we don’t want to get into debt to pay for our wedding so even though some ideas really are great and I’d love to do it we just wouldn't be able to afford them or they are too over the top for our intimate wedding.

A more positive post next week on the great ideas I've heard so far!