Decisions Decisions So Many Decisions

I've started dress shopping! I'll write a post on the experience once it's finished...but it made me think of a post that I think would be a good conversation starter or at least a way for me to get my feelings down. This for me is a diary on wedding planning to look back on, and if anyone else finds it helpful that's great.

I've had a bit of decision making burnout over the last few months. We started off so well, booking the venue then the photographer in quick succession. Then booking the registrar and caterers. Then I kind of lost motivation. It isn't like I lost interest, but it just seemed a bit overwhelming and I was putting things off.

It was odd really as it's not like me, usually I just pick a point and start there, but I felt like there was so much to do that I didn't know where to start. I was quite clear on the timeline I have, and that the dress and/or music was next. However I just didn't have the mental energy to go ahead and start looking, as I knew that wouldn't be the end there would be a million large and little decisions to follow. And everyone is asking me. Like I suddenly know about flowers, dresses and napkins. It wasn't even like anyone could help as it was literally just making choices that I didn't want to do. I think it was combined with booking the Kilimanjaro trip and also having all that to think about, plus working full time and all the training for Kili...so how did I get over it?

1. I made a list of what roughly needed to be done in what order, then put it away for a couple of months. I'd gotten it all down on paper so it was out of my head, and I knew I didn't have to rush as we were in good shape wedding planning wise so I could take a few months break from the wedding and focus on Kilimanjaro and training. That also helped the funds to build back up too so when I came back to it we weren't so skint! Don't be afraid to take a break if you can.
2. Start with something important to you to get the creative juices flowing again. While dress shopping wasn't something I was really looking forward to, finding the dress was (I kind of just wanted some fairy godmother to magic it to me). I was actually very pleasantly surprised by the shopping experience last weekend, and it has really got me back into the wedding planning groove.
3. Organise. While not everyone will enjoy it as much as me (I am a bit of a Monica) a bit of organising never goes amiss when you're feeling overwhelmed. For example my wedding board on pinterest was becoming so big that it was hard to see the wood for the trees, so I split them into smaller boards like 'wedding shoes' 'flowers' etc and it is much easier to see clear themes coming up in my pins, making it easier to make those dreaded decisions!
4. One you have made a decision, don't second guess it. My ulterior motive for rearranging my pinterest boards was to get all the dress pins onto one board, so when I buy the dress I can delete that board. Yes delete it, all those carefully curated pins, so that I won't look back on it in 6 months and wonder if I picked the right one. 
5. Just book an appointment already, or send an enquiry. Do something. I made a dress shopping appointment to force me into looking at dresses, but it didn't mean I had to buy my dress at that shop it was just a first step into dress shopping to break the ice. It's not that I didn't want to go dress shopping, it just seemed like a big thing and a lot of things to decide (plus I am not typically found clothes shopping it is not something I love). So I booked an appointment far in advance, and this last month I started getting more excited about it.
6. I passed things on. I have said Tom can sort the car, and he has taken the lead on the honeymoon too. He then looks things up and consults me, rather than me wading through the hundreds of hotels etc.
7. Little by little. If I think about all the things I have to do this year at once it makes me dizzy. So I think about the next thing to do, which is order the dress. Then after that it will be music, and I am not thinking after that. Most of it will wait until we are back from Kili now.
8. Prioritise. I was thinking about a lot about things we were realistically not going to notice weren't there if they didn't happen. And when we actually only have a half planned wedding and a mountain to climb in 3 months then favours or chair decoration is really not something to be worrying about. If I can get the things that are important to us sorted, and the little things don't all happen, it'll be ok. 
9. Admit you don't know. Like I said above sometimes people (especially vendors I've found) might assume you know about whatever aspect of the wedding you are discussing. I have no idea about flowers other than I usually have tulips because they are cheap, and I make sure to tell this to florists so they won't confuse me with names and options that mean nothing to me. If you don't know then just ask, or get someone to help you decide.
10. Admit you don't care. Not that I don't care about my wedding, but as it stands right now (this may change) I am indifferent to a few things. Like the cake for example, I personally am not going to eat it...I feel it's something we wouldn't have if it wasn't one of those weddingy things. So if there is a cake then great, but I'm not going to give myself a million more things to think about for the cake. It'll be a basic cake if it exists at all!
11. Alternate wedding planning, don't think about it all the time. The last few months have been Kilimanjaro oriented, but now we are paying for it soon and then will just be training. So the summer can be a bit more wedding oriented mixed in with gym and running etc. Then September and October will be just Kilimanjaro. Then when we are back it will be wedding...I can't do both so gave up trying. Maybe book a day every couple of months with your partner to do wedding things, either formally or just for example we have said that on Sunday we will start looking for a band online and sending off enquiries. 
12. Elope. Haha joking...kind of. 

Hope you are all having fun if you are planning you're wedding too, if you've experienced this comment below with your tips!

Wedding Planning Timeline

It's a year until our wedding! 365 days and I'll be a Mrs. It's also my grandparents golden wedding anniversary, so congratulations Granny and Grampy!

Yes we get married on their 51st wedding anniversary, which we didn't know until we booked the wedding but I think it's really nice that we'll share our wedding anniversaries.

This kind of got me thinking about the wedding planning timelines and date booking conundrum people face. We booked ours once we found a venue and let their availability decide the date, but we did have a little bit of disappointment that we couldn't have it this year. Now we have started planning I really appreciate that we have a bit more time as it would have been much more stressful to plan a wedding in 6 months rather then nearly 2 years, but I kind of wanted it this year rather than waiting a whole 12 months more!

So what do you need to think about when booking a wedding date?

Special dates
We had a few dates we didn't want the wedding on (birthdays, anniversaries of deaths, valentines day) but no special date we really wanted it on. It may have been nice to have it on the anniversary of our first date, but that's in September and Tom is in car sales so booking 3 weeks off over September is not going to happen. Are there any special dates you would like to get married on?

Season
We both instantly agreed we wanted a spring or summer wedding, it's just our preference as we prefer warmer weather, so talk about what time of year you prefer. Bear in mind that a lot of venues charge more for the same wedding in July than in March, so look at the season you want to get married in but also how that choice will influence the cost of your wedding. We saved £1000 by booking a week earlier at the end of April rather than the start of May.

Venue
Like I said, we chose the venue then set the date depending on when they were available. So if you have a venue in mind which you love and have to have then go in with an open mind on dates. Also depending on the type of venue what season does it suit better? Are there other factors to think about like traffic on a weekend at peak tourist season in a scenic area?

Mundane things like work and time off
We got engaged in May last year, and Tom originally (like the day after we got engaged) said he wanted to get married in Spring this year. However once we started looking into it we realised this would put a bit of a strain on us both financially and time-wise. We were already into the financial year that we would be getting married in and I had already used up most of my leave so would struggle to get time off for the wedding and honeymoon, let alone time for planning it. With an almost 2 year engagement I can do most of it weekends and evenings and book the occasional day off when needed and not have to push myself to much. However say you have loads of annual leave left, or you have lots of free time then you might want to just go for it!

Money
Everyone will tell you how expensive planning a wedding is, and even if you are planning a budget one there is still going to be some financial outlay. Be realistic about how long you need to pay for this. If you have savings in the bank, or lots of credit which you are willing to use (I'm a credit phobe so not advocating this!), or someone is paying for the wedding for you, then you might be in more of a position to book a wedding date soon. I could have maybe planned a wedding in 6 months, but we couldn't have paid for it in that time unless we had a really budget wedding, and even then it would be tight so we decided to leave it a year longer. We wanted to pay for our wedding as we went, and had offers of help from family as well, so we wanted to leave ourselves breathing room to save and pay for things as we book them. For example we booked and paid for the venue last year, and we have recently booked the caterer and paid their deposit this month. Next up is dress and music and we are saving for those now.

Other commitments
I'm not 100% sure how this happened but we appear to be climbing 2 mountains, raising a target of £4000 each for charity and getting married in the next 365 days. Safe to say this influenced our date booking. Had we gotten engaged 2 years ago we might have been able to plan it in a shorter time as we weren't so busy then, so the benefit of a longer engagement is that we have more time (although I have a rough timeline that I am trying to stick to of what I want booked by when). Although a shorter engagement means you are married sooner and don't have to plan the wedding at all after that...

Relationship style
Not sure what to call it but your relationship style or temperament will have a big effect on how you want to do this, are you a couple who got engaged after 6 months or have you been waiting for that proposal for years? Are you a couple who does things spontaneously or are you both planners? Tom and I are quite laid back, our relationship isn't a dramatic whirlwind romance. Don't get me wrong we are romantic (occasionally) but really we are a team and work together to build our little life in a way that sets us up for a good future. We therefore didn't want to start getting into debt for our wedding, we also aren't in any rush. We will have been together 7 years when we get married. Although saying that Tom wouldn't have proposed if he had no intention of actually getting married, so once we were engaged we were both keen to start planning the wedding but in our own laid back, considered, we'll do it when we're ready style. I sometimes daydream about eloping to an island to get married barefoot on the beach...but that just doesn't seem us somehow.

You
Really this is down to you, are you the kind of people who can plan a wedding in 3 months? Are you organised and efficient? Or would you prefer longer to let yourself book things at your leisure and to have lots of time to think things over? Really think about how long you want to take to plan your wedding. Don't feel pressured to do it all in 6 months if you think it will stress you out just so you can get married this year, why not wait until next year and really enjoy it? Or vice versa, if you're sure you will be able to plan a wedding in a few months, and you have the funds available, then go for it!

Family
Not sure how to word this, but if you have old or sick family members you really want at your wedding then that might influence your decision on how soon to get married. Also if your family are difficult or maybe not so supportive of you getting married then you may not want to prolong the agony of dealing with it, or you might want to leave it a while so they have time to get used to the idea before the wedding...

The best quote I've heard is that a task expands to fill the time you have, so if you have 3 months it will take 3 months, if you have 3 years it will take 3 years...but as long as you are happy with the end result that's all that matters.

Don't forget to enter my easter giveaway over on the main blog, and have a lovely weekend :)

Now we will try to do...

Moany post last week (can you tell it was getting a bit much?) so positive post today! The ideas and tips we have been given that are really great and we will try to remember! I might do this as a semi regular post once we get a build up of good tips as it’s great to have somewhere to record them all and they are really handy. These are just general tips we have picked up not specific to our wedding so many of them may not actually get done they’re just really useful things to think about.

Saving Money

• Use the bouquets for flowers on the top table to save having more flowers.
• If you do a meal then a buffet later always do the evening buffet for less people than you think, don’t cater for the whole evening do otherwise it will cost a fortune – most people having eaten a 3 course meal earlier won’t want anything else.
• Free printable invites  
• Free printable place cards 
• Free printable signs.
• Pretty much free printables of any sort…cheap way to do a few personal touches

 Decoration and DIY’s

• Other options than a guest book – Polaroid photos, signing a canvas or photo, advice or joke cards. 
• DIY chalk board for the table plan or timetable, or a charity shop large mirror.
• Centrepieces – DIY discussions like growing pots of spring flowers, making candles, arranging our own flowers. 
• To make flowers float in water (Like in a bowl with some floating candles) put them on a little bubble wrap raft, just cut a hole in a small square of bubble wrap to poke the stalk through and make sure you can’t see it under the flower  – the most epic tip I have ever had! 
• Make favours something that guests take away from the table décor – like a candle holder or their name card holder. This way you don’t have to double up on work and can incorporate the favours into the décor. Trying to think of something to do as this is genius.
• Don’t stress about the décor too much, if people are snarky on the day about the napkins not matching the table cloths then you've invited the wrong people.

 Hair, beauty and dress

• Get some flat shoes for the evening (I actually thought about these before the main shoes for the daytime) even if you don’t end up wearing them it’s better to be able to change if needed. 
• Don’t take too many people dress shopping, 2 or 3 at the most otherwise it gets too confusing, and if you go to numerous shops have at least one person who has been to all of them with you so they have seen all the options. 

 Timing and organisation

• Make a wedding website with all the info on, to save you being asked the same question over and over. 
• Make it so people can RSVP via the website as well, nobody posts anything any more so it will encourage people to RSVP quicker. 
• Number the RSVP cards as someone will send one back without a name on. 
• Put all the suppliers, what they are supplying, the quantity (i.e. caterers - how many of each dish), where it needs to be set up at the venue and when, and their contact information on one sheet of paper. Give this to the staff at the venue, your bridesmaids, your maid of honour, ushers and best man, keep one in your room as well. Then everyone knows what is meant to be arriving when, from where and where it is meant to go so most little queries or problems can be resolved without people having to ask you. 
• Put someone in charge other than you or your fiancé on the day. Most likely your maid of honour or best man, or both. Meet with them before the day and run through what is happening when, where and with who so they can be in control of rounding people up for photos, asking people to move on to a different area, initiating speeches and generally being the person guests can ask for directions to the loos etc. 
• Don’t worry too much about entertaining your guests at all times, they will be happy to go to the bar or just chat between themselves before the music or after the ceremony for a little while, obviously hours of nothing to do and no music might be a bit dull but you don’t need to fill every minute of the day.
• Allow a few minutes after the ceremony for you and your husband to have some time to yourselves, just to have a glass of champagne or a quiet few minutes before starting the photos or going out to the drinks reception.
• Plan your wedding as if it is a week earlier. Don’t actually book things for a week before the date like flowers of course but aim to be done with the planning, have all the bills paid, finish DIY projects, have all the RSVPs and table plan completed etc a week before. You then have a week buffer for any last minute issues (late RSVPs, room changes, supplier queries etc) so they are hopefully all out of your system by the day. Also you have a week to spend time with your fiancé, family and friends to relax, unwind and get pampered ready for the day!
• Allow more time than you think you need for everything on the day! You don’t want things to be rushed or cut short. Getting ready will take longer if you want photographs taken, if you have to book the church or registrar for a certain amount of time then allow a little bit longer than you think it will take, photos might take longer if the weather or light isn’t great and you need to allow time to round up everyone who needs to be in the photos. Allow enough time for the food to be served and for a bit of time between courses.
• Allow a bit of time after the food before the evening celebrations for people to go touch up their make up, go to the loo, check in with the babysitter, park the car etc. Otherwise you will lose people for the first part of the evening and people might miss the first dance.

General genius ideas

• The bride and/or maid of honour can make a speech if they want to…undecided if I want to yet! 
• Emergency kits – have one or 2 bags made up with plasters, spare buttons, sewing kit, chalk (for dress smudges), spare makeup, deodorant, hairspray, hair accessories, pain killers and heartburn and indigestion tablets, any medication you take and anything else you can think of. Have one of these left out somewhere obvious in your room and one in the maid of honours room on the day so that it is all easy access and you don’t have to send someone rummaging through all your bags to find a hair grip or a paracetamol. 
• Get some nice umbrellas in case it rains, you can return them/sell them after if they aren’t used.
• Don’t worry about the drinks – people mostly don’t know the difference between expensive and cheap champagne and if people don’t drink wine they can get a drink at the bar.
• Simple is key – don’t make it unnecessarily complicated!
• Take some money with you on the day – sounds silly but a lot of people apparently forget to take their purse and you end up having to pay for your room on checkout or paying for breakfast etc if it’s not included! You can obviously leave it in the hotel room as it’s just in case really, you won’t need to buy any drinks at the bar!