Decisions Decisions So Many Decisions

I've started dress shopping! I'll write a post on the experience once it's finished...but it made me think of a post that I think would be a good conversation starter or at least a way for me to get my feelings down. This for me is a diary on wedding planning to look back on, and if anyone else finds it helpful that's great.

I've had a bit of decision making burnout over the last few months. We started off so well, booking the venue then the photographer in quick succession. Then booking the registrar and caterers. Then I kind of lost motivation. It isn't like I lost interest, but it just seemed a bit overwhelming and I was putting things off.

It was odd really as it's not like me, usually I just pick a point and start there, but I felt like there was so much to do that I didn't know where to start. I was quite clear on the timeline I have, and that the dress and/or music was next. However I just didn't have the mental energy to go ahead and start looking, as I knew that wouldn't be the end there would be a million large and little decisions to follow. And everyone is asking me. Like I suddenly know about flowers, dresses and napkins. It wasn't even like anyone could help as it was literally just making choices that I didn't want to do. I think it was combined with booking the Kilimanjaro trip and also having all that to think about, plus working full time and all the training for Kili...so how did I get over it?

1. I made a list of what roughly needed to be done in what order, then put it away for a couple of months. I'd gotten it all down on paper so it was out of my head, and I knew I didn't have to rush as we were in good shape wedding planning wise so I could take a few months break from the wedding and focus on Kilimanjaro and training. That also helped the funds to build back up too so when I came back to it we weren't so skint! Don't be afraid to take a break if you can.
2. Start with something important to you to get the creative juices flowing again. While dress shopping wasn't something I was really looking forward to, finding the dress was (I kind of just wanted some fairy godmother to magic it to me). I was actually very pleasantly surprised by the shopping experience last weekend, and it has really got me back into the wedding planning groove.
3. Organise. While not everyone will enjoy it as much as me (I am a bit of a Monica) a bit of organising never goes amiss when you're feeling overwhelmed. For example my wedding board on pinterest was becoming so big that it was hard to see the wood for the trees, so I split them into smaller boards like 'wedding shoes' 'flowers' etc and it is much easier to see clear themes coming up in my pins, making it easier to make those dreaded decisions!
4. One you have made a decision, don't second guess it. My ulterior motive for rearranging my pinterest boards was to get all the dress pins onto one board, so when I buy the dress I can delete that board. Yes delete it, all those carefully curated pins, so that I won't look back on it in 6 months and wonder if I picked the right one. 
5. Just book an appointment already, or send an enquiry. Do something. I made a dress shopping appointment to force me into looking at dresses, but it didn't mean I had to buy my dress at that shop it was just a first step into dress shopping to break the ice. It's not that I didn't want to go dress shopping, it just seemed like a big thing and a lot of things to decide (plus I am not typically found clothes shopping it is not something I love). So I booked an appointment far in advance, and this last month I started getting more excited about it.
6. I passed things on. I have said Tom can sort the car, and he has taken the lead on the honeymoon too. He then looks things up and consults me, rather than me wading through the hundreds of hotels etc.
7. Little by little. If I think about all the things I have to do this year at once it makes me dizzy. So I think about the next thing to do, which is order the dress. Then after that it will be music, and I am not thinking after that. Most of it will wait until we are back from Kili now.
8. Prioritise. I was thinking about a lot about things we were realistically not going to notice weren't there if they didn't happen. And when we actually only have a half planned wedding and a mountain to climb in 3 months then favours or chair decoration is really not something to be worrying about. If I can get the things that are important to us sorted, and the little things don't all happen, it'll be ok. 
9. Admit you don't know. Like I said above sometimes people (especially vendors I've found) might assume you know about whatever aspect of the wedding you are discussing. I have no idea about flowers other than I usually have tulips because they are cheap, and I make sure to tell this to florists so they won't confuse me with names and options that mean nothing to me. If you don't know then just ask, or get someone to help you decide.
10. Admit you don't care. Not that I don't care about my wedding, but as it stands right now (this may change) I am indifferent to a few things. Like the cake for example, I personally am not going to eat it...I feel it's something we wouldn't have if it wasn't one of those weddingy things. So if there is a cake then great, but I'm not going to give myself a million more things to think about for the cake. It'll be a basic cake if it exists at all!
11. Alternate wedding planning, don't think about it all the time. The last few months have been Kilimanjaro oriented, but now we are paying for it soon and then will just be training. So the summer can be a bit more wedding oriented mixed in with gym and running etc. Then September and October will be just Kilimanjaro. Then when we are back it will be wedding...I can't do both so gave up trying. Maybe book a day every couple of months with your partner to do wedding things, either formally or just for example we have said that on Sunday we will start looking for a band online and sending off enquiries. 
12. Elope. Haha joking...kind of. 

Hope you are all having fun if you are planning you're wedding too, if you've experienced this comment below with your tips!

Wedding Planning Timeline

It's a year until our wedding! 365 days and I'll be a Mrs. It's also my grandparents golden wedding anniversary, so congratulations Granny and Grampy!

Yes we get married on their 51st wedding anniversary, which we didn't know until we booked the wedding but I think it's really nice that we'll share our wedding anniversaries.

This kind of got me thinking about the wedding planning timelines and date booking conundrum people face. We booked ours once we found a venue and let their availability decide the date, but we did have a little bit of disappointment that we couldn't have it this year. Now we have started planning I really appreciate that we have a bit more time as it would have been much more stressful to plan a wedding in 6 months rather then nearly 2 years, but I kind of wanted it this year rather than waiting a whole 12 months more!

So what do you need to think about when booking a wedding date?

Special dates
We had a few dates we didn't want the wedding on (birthdays, anniversaries of deaths, valentines day) but no special date we really wanted it on. It may have been nice to have it on the anniversary of our first date, but that's in September and Tom is in car sales so booking 3 weeks off over September is not going to happen. Are there any special dates you would like to get married on?

Season
We both instantly agreed we wanted a spring or summer wedding, it's just our preference as we prefer warmer weather, so talk about what time of year you prefer. Bear in mind that a lot of venues charge more for the same wedding in July than in March, so look at the season you want to get married in but also how that choice will influence the cost of your wedding. We saved £1000 by booking a week earlier at the end of April rather than the start of May.

Venue
Like I said, we chose the venue then set the date depending on when they were available. So if you have a venue in mind which you love and have to have then go in with an open mind on dates. Also depending on the type of venue what season does it suit better? Are there other factors to think about like traffic on a weekend at peak tourist season in a scenic area?

Mundane things like work and time off
We got engaged in May last year, and Tom originally (like the day after we got engaged) said he wanted to get married in Spring this year. However once we started looking into it we realised this would put a bit of a strain on us both financially and time-wise. We were already into the financial year that we would be getting married in and I had already used up most of my leave so would struggle to get time off for the wedding and honeymoon, let alone time for planning it. With an almost 2 year engagement I can do most of it weekends and evenings and book the occasional day off when needed and not have to push myself to much. However say you have loads of annual leave left, or you have lots of free time then you might want to just go for it!

Money
Everyone will tell you how expensive planning a wedding is, and even if you are planning a budget one there is still going to be some financial outlay. Be realistic about how long you need to pay for this. If you have savings in the bank, or lots of credit which you are willing to use (I'm a credit phobe so not advocating this!), or someone is paying for the wedding for you, then you might be in more of a position to book a wedding date soon. I could have maybe planned a wedding in 6 months, but we couldn't have paid for it in that time unless we had a really budget wedding, and even then it would be tight so we decided to leave it a year longer. We wanted to pay for our wedding as we went, and had offers of help from family as well, so we wanted to leave ourselves breathing room to save and pay for things as we book them. For example we booked and paid for the venue last year, and we have recently booked the caterer and paid their deposit this month. Next up is dress and music and we are saving for those now.

Other commitments
I'm not 100% sure how this happened but we appear to be climbing 2 mountains, raising a target of £4000 each for charity and getting married in the next 365 days. Safe to say this influenced our date booking. Had we gotten engaged 2 years ago we might have been able to plan it in a shorter time as we weren't so busy then, so the benefit of a longer engagement is that we have more time (although I have a rough timeline that I am trying to stick to of what I want booked by when). Although a shorter engagement means you are married sooner and don't have to plan the wedding at all after that...

Relationship style
Not sure what to call it but your relationship style or temperament will have a big effect on how you want to do this, are you a couple who got engaged after 6 months or have you been waiting for that proposal for years? Are you a couple who does things spontaneously or are you both planners? Tom and I are quite laid back, our relationship isn't a dramatic whirlwind romance. Don't get me wrong we are romantic (occasionally) but really we are a team and work together to build our little life in a way that sets us up for a good future. We therefore didn't want to start getting into debt for our wedding, we also aren't in any rush. We will have been together 7 years when we get married. Although saying that Tom wouldn't have proposed if he had no intention of actually getting married, so once we were engaged we were both keen to start planning the wedding but in our own laid back, considered, we'll do it when we're ready style. I sometimes daydream about eloping to an island to get married barefoot on the beach...but that just doesn't seem us somehow.

You
Really this is down to you, are you the kind of people who can plan a wedding in 3 months? Are you organised and efficient? Or would you prefer longer to let yourself book things at your leisure and to have lots of time to think things over? Really think about how long you want to take to plan your wedding. Don't feel pressured to do it all in 6 months if you think it will stress you out just so you can get married this year, why not wait until next year and really enjoy it? Or vice versa, if you're sure you will be able to plan a wedding in a few months, and you have the funds available, then go for it!

Family
Not sure how to word this, but if you have old or sick family members you really want at your wedding then that might influence your decision on how soon to get married. Also if your family are difficult or maybe not so supportive of you getting married then you may not want to prolong the agony of dealing with it, or you might want to leave it a while so they have time to get used to the idea before the wedding...

The best quote I've heard is that a task expands to fill the time you have, so if you have 3 months it will take 3 months, if you have 3 years it will take 3 years...but as long as you are happy with the end result that's all that matters.

Don't forget to enter my easter giveaway over on the main blog, and have a lovely weekend :)

Winter Wedding Inspiration

I pinned a few things on winter weddings for a Rock My Wedding competition (any brides to be reading if you don't follow them already you should, major inspiration). A lot of these aren't applicable to our spring wedding, or I hope they won't be, but they were too pretty not to share.

Some winter wedding inspiration this weekend, anyone getting married soon or next winter?

Winter flowers and a faux fur stole

Glittery glamorous decor

If we could only guarantee snow in the UK, winter doesn't often look like this...love the hair here and the horsies

Sleeves on a wedding dress to keep covered up

An autumn wedding

Simple and wintery table decor

Great for an autumn or winter wedding

I think these are Christmas decorations but they'd work well at a winter wedding

Twinkling lights and lanterns

Great bridesmaid look for winter

This one kind of cracks me up, if on your wedding day you want to sit on the floor holding a pine cone while a wolf looks at you from the background then you must do it wearing a cape with some random ice skates in front of you. Who could ice skate in a wedding dress anyway? The cape is nice though.

Happy weekend all!

xxx

Now we will try to do...

Moany post last week (can you tell it was getting a bit much?) so positive post today! The ideas and tips we have been given that are really great and we will try to remember! I might do this as a semi regular post once we get a build up of good tips as it’s great to have somewhere to record them all and they are really handy. These are just general tips we have picked up not specific to our wedding so many of them may not actually get done they’re just really useful things to think about.

Saving Money

• Use the bouquets for flowers on the top table to save having more flowers.
• If you do a meal then a buffet later always do the evening buffet for less people than you think, don’t cater for the whole evening do otherwise it will cost a fortune – most people having eaten a 3 course meal earlier won’t want anything else.
• Free printable invites  
• Free printable place cards 
• Free printable signs.
• Pretty much free printables of any sort…cheap way to do a few personal touches

 Decoration and DIY’s

• Other options than a guest book – Polaroid photos, signing a canvas or photo, advice or joke cards. 
• DIY chalk board for the table plan or timetable, or a charity shop large mirror.
• Centrepieces – DIY discussions like growing pots of spring flowers, making candles, arranging our own flowers. 
• To make flowers float in water (Like in a bowl with some floating candles) put them on a little bubble wrap raft, just cut a hole in a small square of bubble wrap to poke the stalk through and make sure you can’t see it under the flower  – the most epic tip I have ever had! 
• Make favours something that guests take away from the table décor – like a candle holder or their name card holder. This way you don’t have to double up on work and can incorporate the favours into the décor. Trying to think of something to do as this is genius.
• Don’t stress about the décor too much, if people are snarky on the day about the napkins not matching the table cloths then you've invited the wrong people.

 Hair, beauty and dress

• Get some flat shoes for the evening (I actually thought about these before the main shoes for the daytime) even if you don’t end up wearing them it’s better to be able to change if needed. 
• Don’t take too many people dress shopping, 2 or 3 at the most otherwise it gets too confusing, and if you go to numerous shops have at least one person who has been to all of them with you so they have seen all the options. 

 Timing and organisation

• Make a wedding website with all the info on, to save you being asked the same question over and over. 
• Make it so people can RSVP via the website as well, nobody posts anything any more so it will encourage people to RSVP quicker. 
• Number the RSVP cards as someone will send one back without a name on. 
• Put all the suppliers, what they are supplying, the quantity (i.e. caterers - how many of each dish), where it needs to be set up at the venue and when, and their contact information on one sheet of paper. Give this to the staff at the venue, your bridesmaids, your maid of honour, ushers and best man, keep one in your room as well. Then everyone knows what is meant to be arriving when, from where and where it is meant to go so most little queries or problems can be resolved without people having to ask you. 
• Put someone in charge other than you or your fiancé on the day. Most likely your maid of honour or best man, or both. Meet with them before the day and run through what is happening when, where and with who so they can be in control of rounding people up for photos, asking people to move on to a different area, initiating speeches and generally being the person guests can ask for directions to the loos etc. 
• Don’t worry too much about entertaining your guests at all times, they will be happy to go to the bar or just chat between themselves before the music or after the ceremony for a little while, obviously hours of nothing to do and no music might be a bit dull but you don’t need to fill every minute of the day.
• Allow a few minutes after the ceremony for you and your husband to have some time to yourselves, just to have a glass of champagne or a quiet few minutes before starting the photos or going out to the drinks reception.
• Plan your wedding as if it is a week earlier. Don’t actually book things for a week before the date like flowers of course but aim to be done with the planning, have all the bills paid, finish DIY projects, have all the RSVPs and table plan completed etc a week before. You then have a week buffer for any last minute issues (late RSVPs, room changes, supplier queries etc) so they are hopefully all out of your system by the day. Also you have a week to spend time with your fiancé, family and friends to relax, unwind and get pampered ready for the day!
• Allow more time than you think you need for everything on the day! You don’t want things to be rushed or cut short. Getting ready will take longer if you want photographs taken, if you have to book the church or registrar for a certain amount of time then allow a little bit longer than you think it will take, photos might take longer if the weather or light isn’t great and you need to allow time to round up everyone who needs to be in the photos. Allow enough time for the food to be served and for a bit of time between courses.
• Allow a bit of time after the food before the evening celebrations for people to go touch up their make up, go to the loo, check in with the babysitter, park the car etc. Otherwise you will lose people for the first part of the evening and people might miss the first dance.

General genius ideas

• The bride and/or maid of honour can make a speech if they want to…undecided if I want to yet! 
• Emergency kits – have one or 2 bags made up with plasters, spare buttons, sewing kit, chalk (for dress smudges), spare makeup, deodorant, hairspray, hair accessories, pain killers and heartburn and indigestion tablets, any medication you take and anything else you can think of. Have one of these left out somewhere obvious in your room and one in the maid of honours room on the day so that it is all easy access and you don’t have to send someone rummaging through all your bags to find a hair grip or a paracetamol. 
• Get some nice umbrellas in case it rains, you can return them/sell them after if they aren’t used.
• Don’t worry about the drinks – people mostly don’t know the difference between expensive and cheap champagne and if people don’t drink wine they can get a drink at the bar.
• Simple is key – don’t make it unnecessarily complicated!
• Take some money with you on the day – sounds silly but a lot of people apparently forget to take their purse and you end up having to pay for your room on checkout or paying for breakfast etc if it’s not included! You can obviously leave it in the hotel room as it’s just in case really, you won’t need to buy any drinks at the bar!

Well you must do...

Now before I start this one, let’s just make it clear that I really value people’s opinions and help, after all this is the first time I've done this. Advice and opinions are always appreciated and I’d always rather people be honest with me if they think something is naff rather than just go along with whatever I say. 

However, our wedding doesn't have to be the same as your wedding, or any other wedding, in fact it really shouldn't be. There are no rules. We do not have to do anything other than sign the register with the registrar, the rest is optional. Pressuring someone to have something at their wedding that they do not want is not cool. My word, people can get funny about weddings, even when it is not their own wedding. 

I know a wedding is a traditional thing, but it doesn't mean we can't put our own stamp on it, we don't have to do something just because it's traditional. Really if we had to do everything the traditional way we wouldn't have been living together for the last 6 years, our parents wouldn't be divorced and attending with their new partners, Dad would be paying for the whole thing, we'd probably be considerably younger and my unmarried sister and her daughter wouldn't be in the bridal party. Traditions move on guys, keep up.

Tom and I aren't religious, so we will not be having a church wedding as it seemed hypocritical to get married in a church just because it looks pretty when neither of us go to church regularly (or at all) and people seem to accept this quite willingly but then are horrified when I say we might not have headdresses for the bridesmaids!

My advice on this is to just do what you want to do, I'm hoping it will get easier once we've actually bought/booked things as at the moment we have just booked the venue so all this is theoretical...and people seem to think they can persuade us out of it but once it's booked and paid for they can't really do anything about it. I am taking practical advice on board from lots of people (like on flowers and the timing of the day as I have have no idea) but the stylistic and trivial things like suits, dresses, hair and favours are really down to mine and Toms taste, not up to anyone else to dictate. Also as we are planning on mostly paying for the wedding ourselves (with help from family but not them paying for it all) I think if it's our wedding and we are paying for the objectionable item then really it's nobody else's business.

Some things we are considering or thinking of not having that are a break from tradition and have caused a bit of a stir:

• Not having loads of posed photos – I’d rather the photographer take more pictures while we are mingling, chatting etc. I hate having my picture taken (I literally cannot smile on command without looking like this) and Tom would rather be having fun, so we will have a some done after the ceremony of us together and with our families and we will get my ones with my bridesmaids etc and Tom with his best men etc out of the way before the ceremony…but no we won’t be having a 1-2 hour long photo shoot… 
• Tom not hiring a morning suit. Oh wow people are really attached to these morning suits, and when I asked Tom what he thought he might wear his first response was 'well I suppose I'll just hire a morning suit?'. After I said he could wear whatever he wanted to (if he wanted to have a morning suit that's great I just wanted him to choose what he wore), he actually has had some really great ideas of his own what he would like to wear and what his best men and ushers could wear. Although when we say to people we are thinking of buying suits or hiring something different to morning suits (maybe a tuxedo? Maybe a designer suit? No idea yet) they say 'still go and look at the morning suits though' or 'well that's...different'. If I didn't like a certain wedding dress nobody would dare tell me I had to wear it, why should it be different for Tom?
• I might wear my hair down…although I know an updo is probably more practical or 'bridal'. I have really long hair that I always have up, and I’d like to get it done nicely and wear it down (depending on the dress of course, I might eat my words if it looks stupid with the dress).
• Bridesmaids – I'm having them, but I'm not going to loads of effort getting them designer dresses and asking them to spend a fortune on their outfits. I'm not worried about headdresses or hats, or complicated matching hairstyles or whatever for them.
• Yes I am having a hairdresser, but no I am not paying for everyone to get their hair done and I am not going to demand that all my bridesmaids get their hair done. I’ll get the hairdresser up to do my hair on the morning, and anyone else can book in to get theirs done if they want to but they will have to pay for it themselves. My bridesmaids are very capable of doing their own or each other’s hair if they don’t want it done professionally.
• I will not have a makeup artist. I've been putting makeup on my own face for years and am quite capable of doing it again.
• Music – A bit of a sticky one for us, as we are yet to decide on ANY songs for ANY of the wedding (We both have very broad music taste which is mostly wildly inappropriate for a wedding ceremony!). We can’t have any religious connotations either as it’s a civil service. This means no hymns. People are more disappointed by this than I thought they would be!
• Favours – Oh if I have another conversation about favours. People all say ‘Well you don’t need to go over the top...’ or ‘They really aren't that important…’ but if you say you might not have them then you’re a cheapskate or not making the effort!
• Money – This is also a bit of a tricky one as lots of people have lots of ideas, but we don’t want to get into debt to pay for our wedding so even though some ideas really are great and I’d love to do it we just wouldn't be able to afford them or they are too over the top for our intimate wedding.

A more positive post next week on the great ideas I've heard so far!

Let's start on the pretty stuff!

I am trying not to get ahead of myself, as we aren't on pretty things yet but I just cannot help myself sometimes! So here is a little inspiration post...not necessarily anything we will have but things I love the look of. All from my wedding pin board.

Decorations

Hair

So torn between up do or hair down...all depends on the dress.

Photo shots and inspiration for poses

Our 2 flower girls would look so cute in something like this shot

I might be reluctant to lie on the ground in a white dress (the most expensive dress I ever bought as well!) but I like this for the engagement shoot

There is a gorgeous staircase at our venue and I love this as a less formal couples shot.

So there we got he first 'inspiration' post, I'm hoping to do a few mood boards and more inspiration posts. Mainly to keep myself reigned in, we have so many more things to sort out like food, drinks, music and paying for those and the photographer before we can start on pretty stuff like dresses, suits, flowers, décor etc but I can't wait!

To theme or not to theme?

People keep asking what our colour scheme or theme will be… the answer is actually that we have no idea yet! We have colours that we like, mostly blue tones as I wanted green but Tom hates it so we agreed we could maybe compromise on a turquoise or light blue. We also have our own personal styles and likes but a theme seems to restricting for me. I don’t know if nowadays you really need to have one either. We don’t have to decide just yet, but it’s not too far off that we will be looking for dresses and suits so we will need to think about it then.

I think I’d like to set a general ‘feel’ for the day but not restrict it to a theme or certain colour only. I think it allows much more freedom, for example if I love a certain table decoration but it’s not the right colour exactly to match my strict colour scheme and I have to keep looking even though I've found something I like, that seems to be adding unneeded stress to the process! I would however like to have a general feel of the day in mind to help us, otherwise it might get a bit jumbled and messy and hard to choose things.

Your wedding should be all about you and your style and personalities. Anyone who knows us would agree that a blinged out fancy wedding just isn't really us. I’d like to have a quite relaxed day so wouldn't go for a feel that’s too formal, like with a dress code and a massive load of decorations, flowers, bling and a humongous dress. Although if that’s your style of course there’s nothing wrong with that!

Some themes I've seen which I liked, but that we probably wouldn't go with (Out of practicality and just what suits us and the venue) are:

• Circus/Fairground – Love the idea but a bit much effort to make it worth it (you’d have to go all out to make it work and I don’t have the time/money/patience)
• Certain Films or Books - Pride and Prejudice, Water for Elephants etc – Again too restrictive and I could never pick just one book!
• Glamour and Glitz – Nice to see everyone dressed up but would like a more relaxed day.
• Princess/Disney – Dangerous as I wouldn't want it to be too childish or themey. I’ll be going on 30 on the wedding day so no dressing up like Cinderella but I did fall in love with these Beauty and the Beast centrepieces, so simple!
• Literature – Like favourite books as table names, readings from books, themed favours etc. Love it. Only problem is I'm the reader in the relationship, I've seen Tom finish about 2 books in all the time I've known him so that theme would be all me.
• Travel – We LOVE to travel, and there might be a part of this in the day but as an overarching theme it wouldn't work as although we love travelling we haven’t really been to enough interesting places to fill the whole day…that’s what the honeymoon is for :)

 Some feels that I'm considering are:

• Vintage – I like vintage but Tom doesn't like stuff that ‘looks old’ so thinking vintage but high end vintage (i.e. Carrie Bradshaw vintage not charity shop find vintage) like 1920’s-1930’s glitter or 60’s/70’s hippie chic.
• Almost a country fair feel, with games outside, nibbles and talking points spread around the venue.
• A garden party or tea party – the venue lends itself to quite posh stuff really, and quite nice or old fashioned parties.
• A general spring theme – like with the flowers and colours, it gives you a theme or feel but isn't too restrictive and is open to interpretation.
• Festival – no tents but a general festival feel like food outside, sitting in the grass, music and a chilled atmosphere.

To be honest it will probably be a mixture of a load of things, like a vintage fair in spring with a travel and literature twist! OK that’s exaggerating a bit, but I was seriously considering favours that incorporate reading and travel, and have been looking at vintage dresses online, and the wedding is in the spring so we are almost there already on most of those…I think we will let the theme and feel of the day kind of evolve as we go...